


you can't have your sweater back

by sicsempertyrannis



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst, Fake Character Death, Gen, M/M, Past Captain Flint | James McGraw/Thomas Hamilton, Season/Series 01, this sure was a time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26053123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sicsempertyrannis/pseuds/sicsempertyrannis
Summary: Before James had fled London, he took one of Thomas' rings. The night before he leaves for the Urca de Lima, it is the only thing left of who he once was.Inspired by Richard Siken's poem "Straw House, Straw Dog"(better than it sounds, i swear)
Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/Thomas Hamilton
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	you can't have your sweater back

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: allusions to suicide. we know that Thomas isn't actually dead, but James does not.

Before James fled London, he took one of Thomas’ rings. Well, Miranda was the one who physically took the ring—as well as what little comforts she could manage—but it had been for James.

He had refused it at first, preferring instead to work to get Thomas back, instead of pretending like the ring was all he had left. When Peter’s letter arrived with the news of Thomas’ fate—

The ring hadn’t left his hands since.

James was drunk now, drunker than he had let himself be in a long time. The night before he left on his grand mission for the Urca de Lima, everything he had been working for for the past ten years just in reach, and James was spending it alone in a tavern. No crew. No Miranda. Nothing left of who he had once been except for this damn ring.

The ring hadn’t even been anything special to Thomas, merely a gift that he couldn’t politely refuse. It had almost been too small for James, so now it lived on the little finger of the most hardened pirate on the seas. James closed his eyes, remembering what it had been like to kiss this ring while it had been on much gentler hands, to feel the warmth beneath his lips.

For a moment, there was only silence. With the candles flickering and casting him in shadows, he could almost pretend that he was in front of a London fireplace escaping the chill. He breathed deep, consumed by what he had lost. A thump overhead drew him out of the trance, followed by muffled cursing. James was back in Nassau, back in the oppressive heat.

Overcome by the sense of wrongness in his chest, James slipped the ring off and threw it to the ground, listening to it ricochet off the wood. Damn the ship. Damn his men. Damn everything he had become.

Only the soft clink as it settled somewhere unknown a moment later made him realize what he had done. James lunged out of his chair, falling to the ground without any semblance of dignity. A captain couldn’t afford to look weak, but in this moment James didn’t feel like a pirate captain—he felt like a man with no room for anything but grief.

The lack of weight on his finger unnerved him as he scraped his hands across the floor, cursing himself for his inebriation. If he couldn’t find it, all he would have left of his lover were memories and a tan line—two things all too impermanent. Hope sparked to life in him at the sudden sensation of cold, dragging himself to his knees to place the ring where it belonged.

Drunkenly, James hauled himself back to his chair. The splinters in his hands stung, but the pain was worth it for the illusion of returning clarity. If his plan worked, James could reform Nassau. Use the money to shape the world into something more like Thomas. A place of giving instead of taking.

“I don’t blame you,” James whispered to the ring, the words coming out slurred. For all the talk of heat and fire underneath his skin, it had been easy to forgive Thomas for what he did. But it was James who was left with the pieces.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave comments and kudos! i love comments so much they fuel me


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